Monday, August 4, 2008

The Greatest Text Conversation of All Time.

Sadly, great actor Morgan Freeman was involved in a car accident recently. I am trying desperately to upload a pic of the Man, but I keep getting rotten, internal errors. Anyway, my friend Andrew and I had a great text conversation sort of involving him. It really couldn't have been the Greatest Text Conversation of All Time without him and his fantastic influence. Ok, so here's the text. Really, try to read them all as though you were Morgan Freeman. See the premise here is that his voice is parodied quite well by renowned mimic Mike O'Meara on the radio, and Andrew and I find the impression hilarious! Enjoy! Oh hold on, don't criticize for spelling errors. These are friggin cell phones, people.

ME: I'm rewatching Shield DVDs. Season 1 AWESOME. It just makes the rest of it so much better!

ANDREW: Did you here Morgan Freeman was in a car wreck? He's ok- the ambulance arrived just in TIME.

ME: Haha! Yeah I heard he is upgraded to serious condition. Andy Dufrain wept a single tear, his first tear in some TIME.

ME again: He was driving a 97 Nissan. What the fuck was morgan Freeman doing driving a 97 Nissan?!?!

Andrew: Wherever he was going, his Nissan would get him there just FINE.

ME: That's all ofcourse assuming he has had the proper amount on WINE.

Andrew: Or a mojito with LIME?

ME: Perhaps a martini, a highball, or something that RHYMES?

Andrew: Ha best text conversation ever

ME: Best of all TIME.
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He kinda threw me a softball right there at the end. I had to run with it. Plus he agreed with me on a later text that Shield Season 1 is in fact the best season so, you know, whole thing resolved. Oh and for the Record, it IS NOT FUNNY that Mr. Freeman is in the hospital.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Adios, Manny.



Manny is gone, and all is well in Fenway Park. I mean it. The Red Sox are 2-0 since the trade, and the new meat to replace him, Jason Bay from Pittsburgh, is doing very well. Some bone head on ESPN had the audacity to rule out the Red Sox from even playoff contention without ManRam. You know who you are, Steve so there's no need to name names. I say we're in the best shape to repeat as World Champions as we've ever been.

In recent years, it's been a strange up and down with the Sox. All kinds of people will tell you that is perfectly normal. Years of build up and let down into disappointment led us, the fans, into a strange state of acceptance. Until 2003. In 2003 we lost in the American League Championship Series and had to give up our ticket to the World Series. We lost it to the goddamn Yankees no less. That sort of stirred the mix a little. That Loss to that Team seemed like the final straw. That was it. We had turned Bruce Banner Green and there was no turning back. The Incredible Hulk surely is a green monster, but the Great Wall in Boston was there first. Our Boys came back to the Damn Yankees again in the League Championship the following year. In the same scenario. A trip the World Series on the line. Only as we all know, we friggin won. We beat New York and that was all that mattered. It didn't really matter what team we played in the World Series, because we beat the Yankees. Well, we played the St. Louis Cardinals in the Series, and we won that too. Guess who the World Series MVP was that year? Manny Friggin Ramirez. Thanks, man. I gotta say.

BUT

Manny deserved to go. He deserved to be driven out of Boston. He practically drove himself. I don't care what anyone says, and I could give a rat's ass about some of his statistics; he is a terrible outfielder. Many argue that he has amassed quite a lot of outfield assists over the years. Yes he has. Playing a tiny left field in Fenway Park. Every left fielder should league the league in assists there. In any other normal sized outfield, he is a liability. We've seen it as Red Sox fans glued to NESN on even some of the nicest nights. Then there are the most recent and most obvious reasons. Who in the Holy Hell do you think you are when you push an old man to the ground? You couldn't get free tickets to a baseball game, Manny? Piss off and fucking buy some! How many millions of hard earned green backs do you steal from fans every year?

Now I don't know that much about Jason Bay. Only that this season he has very similar number to Manny. Manny is 36 years old, Bay is 30. The numbers aren't supposed to be similar. Bay is going to do a great job, I can feel that, but he is not Manny Ramirez. He is our new left fielder though, and he's already hit a home run and smacked a triple. He's doing just fine. Manny just put one out for LA last night also. We'll see exactly how injured he really is. That's right, Dodger fan. He tells Us he's hurt. Often. Did we forget to mention that? Good Luck!